As much as I know that it's foolish
and fruitless

I relish the chance to breathe fresh air
to be silly and girlish
without the fear of consequence

As deep as the depths of yesteryear.

Thank you. Thank you.

Reading back on what I wrote about the experience of God throughout my trials last summer, I reel at the inferiority of what I felt to what I know now. I see so much of God's goodness, so much of His love. I looked upon His people at Gateway and all I felt was His goodness emanating. That Father could be with daughter, daughter with son, son with Father, Father and mother. Father to father. Without impurity, but only love. To jeer at the idea that it is the requisite condition of humans to suffer, that we don't deserve to be happy, and that happiness is only an illusion of the dim-witted. The more I think about this concept, the more ridiculous it appears. I looked at father and daughter at one point during the camp, and I thought, this is how it should be. Without fear, pure love. This is how the world should be. I felt the yearning of my soul melt into the Lord's yearning. For all to be saved, and for us to live in how He had intended for us to.

I saw Joyco cradling his newborn son, filled to the utmost with love, hushing assurance of safety over him. 'Don't be afraid, there's no need to be afraid'. To think that our Heavenly Father is saying this over us daily is something amazing. But to move away from thinking, to taking a step into realising that this is real. That God is indeed speaking these words over us, that His kingdom is already here and those who reject Him are merely guests in it is astounding and life-changing to say the least. Why shouldn't we have love? Why shouldn't we embrace happiness, the Lord Himself, and know who we are?

I saw God's heart for the poor, His power move, His presence that would cast out all fear, all evil, all demons. That broke my heart. I still have such a long way to go, but to know that Jesus lives in me to make His work happen keeps me breathing and living my life.

I heard two prayers over my life yesterday that proclaimed Christ in me. Manifesting in my name, that I am not just carrying the name of Christ, but that He appears through me. That touched me so. The Lord has given me a good name. And I love it. That I'm chasing after the example of Christ and that I am changed heart first.

Jesus, I want to pray out to you tonight. Keep working in me Lord. I need you so much, and I love you so much. I want to glorify your name, I want to love those whom you love, I want to know your word and live it to the full. I don't want to hold back, God, so just use me to the full where you want me. I want to see this world changed, and don't even let myself hold me back Jesus. I pray against any hesitation right now. I know that I have it in me. I pray against it right now, and I want to say that God, I want to leave these hesitations at your altar and sacrifice them to you. I want to leave my burdens there for you to take it away from me. Lord, send your Holy Spirit to guide me. Allow your words to ring uniquely and clearly through all voices. That even in the darkest of dark I may see your light. Even in the bustling fervour of city life, I may hear your call. Jesus, work in my life now, as I take it upon myself to know your word so much more. Break through that obstacle in me that refuses to read it more diligently Lord. God, help me feed myself in your word. Jesus. I give it all up to you. You loved me first, and you gave your all Jesus. There is none like you. There is none like you. Praise your name.

In your Holy name Jesus,

Amen.

On the floor of tokyo
Or down in london town to go, go
With the record selection
With the mirror reflection
I'm dancing with myself.

When theres no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself.

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well theres nothing to lose
And theres nothing to prove
Ill be dancing with myself.

If I looked all over the world
And theres every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself.

So lets sink another drink
Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself.

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well theres nothing to lose
And theres nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And theres every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself.

So lets sink another drink
Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself.

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance